5.11.2010

Happy

Today I walk around with a big grin on my face. I am happy. This feeling is new and incredibly enjoyable. Moving to New Jersey has been a challenge, one that at times I have struggled to see positively. I am a strong believer in the saying “everything happens for a reason”. At this point I know that one day I will look back and be grateful for all the learning experiences and adventures that we had here in the state of New Jersey. I do know one thing that I am exceptionally thankful for and that the bonding, communicating, and relying on each other qualities that the hubby and I have had to learn with each other. He has been my rock. He has been there through all the good, the bad, and the ugly times. He is so patient and loving. The past month has been a wonderful, yet emotional time for me. I headed to Seattle, Washington a couple weeks ago to visit my best friend, but also to get away from my life here. I was no doubt feeling sorry for myself. Life seemed hard and I was spiraling into a dark hole. I was not satisfied with what seemed like anything. Work was really taking its toll and I still was having a hard time feeling like I was fitting in, in both my work environment and New Jersey in general. The hubby was gracious enough to tell me that I needed to get away and he thought that going and seeing Whitney (the bestest friend) was a great idea.


I did, I spent 5 wonderful days with her and enjoyed the company and the long talks. While on my trip I started realizing a lot of things. I started seeing that I was loosing who I was. The crap (sorry for the language mom) that was floating around was really taking over me. It was as if I forgot how to be me. Maybe it started with my work environment, which took all I had to not feel beat up and torn once I left for the evening. Or maybe it was the fact that I did not have a lot of friends and was often bored. Whatever the case is, it took me leaving to find me again. To find inside that I am still a beautiful woman. A silly and sometimes immature woman. A woman who loves laughing. A smart woman. A woman who has damn good leadership skills and needs to find a career that will respect that. A woman who is independent, yet loves acting scared of thunderstorms to get the attention of her husband. A woman who has emotions and does get hurt. A sensitive woman. A woman who loves music and relates the lyrics to her own life. A woman who you will find singing at the top of her lungs when she is driving on the highway. A woman who deserves to be respected. A woman who got very lucky marrying the man of her dreams. A woman that is proud. I am that woman! I am that woman that after a lot of time and soul searching I finally feel happy with who I have become and where my life is headed.

Often times we compare our lives with others. For instance, I love reading blogs and can spend numerous hours doing so. And as much as I wish this were not true, I will admit that I was really starting to compare my life with peoples of whom I had never met. The silly thing is that just the other day I was reading a blog and the writer had written all about how people never post the extremely personal and hardships that they face in life. On a blog anyone's life can look perfect. That is very true. I know understand that my life is different from anyone’s…. And just because they bought a house, or had a baby, or went on vacation to some exotic island, does not mean that we are not as secure, responsible, or adventurous. It just means that at this point in our lives that is not what we are choosing to do.

Everyone goes through the up’s and down’s of life. That is what builds character. I am thankful for my life and for all the trails that I have conquered. The trials have created and helped build a bond that holds my husband and I together. I know that New Jersey is not where we will be forever, but for the time being… I need to be happy. What else is life about, if it is not about the joy that you feel everyday. So today, I am happy. I feel extremely happy and I am confident in the decisions that we are making about life. And that is one of the best feelings.

3 comments:

Aubrey & Jaren Bracken said...

I just love reading your blog!! And I TOTALLY understand how you have been feeling...you are such a smart little woman!! I just love you!! Hope you continue to have a great week.

Kylie and Drew said...

I agree with Aubrey :) I loved this post too because it is so true. I needed to hear it, too! Thanks!

Jamie Curtis said...

love this! i can honestly say i know exactly how you feel. don't know if you got my message back, but let's get together soon!!!

xoxo.