2.15.2010

Moving on

I have been wanting to write about my thought for a while now, but I have not made the time to sit down and type my thoughts out. I think it is because I have so many thoughts that I hardly know how to put them comprehensibly. I always get my computer out and start typing and end up typing a sentence and stop because I get so overwhelmed in my own thoughts. But today, I just need to keep reminding myself that it’s okay if my feelings get jumbled together, words are miss-spelled, and the grammar is not perfect. This is ultimately for me, so it is okay! I sit here in my living room drinking hot chocolate, looking at the snowfall from our front window and cheering on the USA (watching the Olympics). I am snuggling up in a heavy blanket, which is warming up my spirit. I am in need of some spirit warming. Lately I have been feeling emotional. Although, I am very content in my life, happy in my marriage. I love Bear with all my heart. He inspires me daily, is my better half, and shows me so much love and appreciation. He has been studying so much that our time spent with each other is getting very limited. I got use to us having so much free time with each other. Every evening we would have dinner together and enjoy the night. But recently that time does not exist. It makes me sad! I am really missing our talks, the long nights watching our favorite TV shows, and cuddling in each other’s arms until we fall asleep.  I took for granted all the time that we had together and now sit here reminiscing. I am excited for when schoolwork and studying calms down and life gets back to ‘normal’. I am anxious for the normal life to begin. I guess normal is not the right word to use.. When I say normal, I mean the future I see for us. Where will we be in the next couple years, do we see babies in the future? Yes, we absolutely do, but when?  I wish I could just sit back and relax. Enjoy life one day at a time, instead of wanting to know what is constantly in store for us.  I have been emotional and my feelings were badly hurt, I never hold things in and usually get over things rather quickly, but this one thing is really hanging on tight to something inside of me. Something that feels sad and hurts. Feels miss-treated and disrespected. I don’t like drama, it adds un-needed stress to my life. So today, I will try to let go of the resentment and move on.  This is what I will be working on for the next little while. And learning to focus my energy in the people that love me.. These are the thoughts for the day

1 comment:

Lindsay said...

Hey sweetie! I'm sorry I haven't called you back yet. Like I said, work has been crazy. After reading your blog, I'm sad to know that your heart is hurting. I hope things calm down and you can spend more time with Bear. Just remember that I love you.